Seriously, fuck my liver

Being on winter hiatus tends to suck some days, so I like to fill some of that time with something I enjoy: drinking beer.
While I tend to go overboard once in a while, I don't do it out of addiction - it stems from enjoyment, boredom, musical inspiration, and the fact that I'm significantly more awesome when I'm pickled.
This brings me to the topic at hand - my liver.
That lazy fuck just sits there, apparently processing toxins to keep me from dying...and while they SAY it's a "vital organ", I can't help but think that life could be much more exciting without it.

* Your liver is a delicate organ
Delicate my ass.
Until recently, my uncle drank a 2-4 a day for about 15 years, and there's not a damn problem with his.
Years of drug-use & drinking is supposed to leave your liver battered & useless, yet mine is still going strong, even after treating it like that Sham-Wow asshole treats hookers...delicate...right.


* Your liver is a vital organ
While this may be true (Wikipedia says "there is currently no way to compensate for the absence of liver function long term"), I can think of a few things that would be way more awesome to have in place of this polluted sack of meat (if your body was like a car, where organs were "optional")
* a self-destruct mechanism

* a quantum warp-drive with flux capacitor
* an army of nano-machines
* complicated crushing & incinerating machines (for digestion)

* a cooler, complete with Hepa-filters
* a CPU & harddrive, wired to the entire body Steve Austin-style
* a wood-burning stove, steam assembly & visually appealing klusterfuck of copper plumbing
* Chuck Norris &/or Jackie Chan

* Liver tastes great
This one is complete bullshit.
It tastes like bitter, gritty poison, with the texture of shoe-leather, which I could actually imagine tasting better.
Organs are not to be eaten, unless they are ground up into a paste with real meat, encased in intestines, and BBQ'd to perfection...even then, they are to be consumed in small amounts.
Mind you, without the liver, you couldn't digest them.

In short, while I may need it to live, I certainly hold a bit of grudge against its lazy ass.
I mean, without it, I'd probably be getting drunk faster...mind you, the side-effect would be death, and that's not cool.
Ok, the liver can stay.

(Wet) Electric Dreams

Seeing as I'm slowly getting motivated to produce again, I figured it was about time I posted my "ultimate electronic musician's wish-list".
The following (in no particular order), are instruments & peripherals that are guaranteed to make you shit yourself with joy.

1. Misa Digital's Kitara

Basically, it doesn't get any more awesome than this one.
Look at that shit - it's more badass than Chuck Norris fist-fucking a shark with a forged steel gauntlet.

2. Haken Continuum

Finally - a keyless keyboard.
The basic design of this one is what sucked me in - look at how smooth that looks...it's like a theremin that just said "fuck it".

3. Eigenlabs' Eigenharp

Up until a little while ago, only people with a Mac could use this badboy.
They have since wised up and realized that PC users aren't about to shell out another 3 grand for an extra computer just to be able to use this god-like instrument - and finally made it available to them, as well.
If you're torn between hiring a live orchestra and just doing all the shit yourself, this one is the better investment in my opinion - and will give you less grief & bitching when you tell it what to do.

4. Yamaha Tenori-On


Now we start to get a little more affordable.
Big sound in a small package with built-in light-show.
To save even more cash (to fuel your rock-star-like drug/whore-habit or something), there's the DIY-version known as monome which can be built to do the same thing  - there's also now an app for your i-phone/i-pad which emulates the Tenori-On, but it's hard to look hardcore playing with your phone.

5.  Korg's Nano Series

The most affordable solution on this list for you starving artists that want all the features for a minuscule fraction of the cost.
Comes in 3 flavors - NanoKey, NanoPad, & NanoKontrol - for all your musical & mastering needs.
Also, with an uber-low price-tag, you can have a full-on professional-sounding setup for under $200-$300...not too fucking shabby.

So, there you have it - 5 selections that I'm sure most of you will be having wet dreams about.
Personally, I'd most likely marry everything on this list if I could...and I'm sure my wife would have something to say about that.

As always, you can check out what's new over at my Soundcloud - been rather busy with posting sets as of late, and with bookings coming in, the shit is finally starting to pay off (and a big thanks to those of you that have continued to support me in all of my endeavors - much love!)
Peace and chicken grease until net time, kids.