Seriously, fuck my liver

Being on winter hiatus tends to suck some days, so I like to fill some of that time with something I enjoy: drinking beer.
While I tend to go overboard once in a while, I don't do it out of addiction - it stems from enjoyment, boredom, musical inspiration, and the fact that I'm significantly more awesome when I'm pickled.
This brings me to the topic at hand - my liver.
That lazy fuck just sits there, apparently processing toxins to keep me from dying...and while they SAY it's a "vital organ", I can't help but think that life could be much more exciting without it.

* Your liver is a delicate organ
Delicate my ass.
Until recently, my uncle drank a 2-4 a day for about 15 years, and there's not a damn problem with his.
Years of drug-use & drinking is supposed to leave your liver battered & useless, yet mine is still going strong, even after treating it like that Sham-Wow asshole treats hookers...delicate...right.


* Your liver is a vital organ
While this may be true (Wikipedia says "there is currently no way to compensate for the absence of liver function long term"), I can think of a few things that would be way more awesome to have in place of this polluted sack of meat (if your body was like a car, where organs were "optional")
* a self-destruct mechanism

* a quantum warp-drive with flux capacitor
* an army of nano-machines
* complicated crushing & incinerating machines (for digestion)

* a cooler, complete with Hepa-filters
* a CPU & harddrive, wired to the entire body Steve Austin-style
* a wood-burning stove, steam assembly & visually appealing klusterfuck of copper plumbing
* Chuck Norris &/or Jackie Chan

* Liver tastes great
This one is complete bullshit.
It tastes like bitter, gritty poison, with the texture of shoe-leather, which I could actually imagine tasting better.
Organs are not to be eaten, unless they are ground up into a paste with real meat, encased in intestines, and BBQ'd to perfection...even then, they are to be consumed in small amounts.
Mind you, without the liver, you couldn't digest them.

In short, while I may need it to live, I certainly hold a bit of grudge against its lazy ass.
I mean, without it, I'd probably be getting drunk faster...mind you, the side-effect would be death, and that's not cool.
Ok, the liver can stay.