Turning Japanese - no, wait...that's just the fallout...my bad

This whole "Japan nuclear crisis" thing is getting out of hand with the fear-mongering.
I have read several articles on the subject, and it seems to me that nobody really knows what the hell is going on - multiple explosions, dead people, possibility of fallout (or maybe not) - seems that we can't get a straight story out of anyone on this subject.

I've heard everything from "it's cool, man - don't worry", to "oh shit - fallout is going to hit North America and kill everyone" (which doesn't affect me personally, because I'm out of the proposed zones listed on that fake map). Even if it did affect me, I still probably wouldn't care too much - my motto has been: some things are just inevitable sometimes, so why even fight it.

I'm not hating on Japan, as they've been through enough - earthquake, tsunami, Godzilla/Mothra attacks, groping on overcrowded public transit, expensive toilet-paper, tentacle-rape, the repeated release of the "Pokemon" series - disastrous pandemonium everywhere you look over there.

If it turns out that this whole situation does blow up to apocalyptic proportions, you can be fairly sure that the U.S. will get involved, and go and attack Iran or something (because they must have something to do with all this, right?). This whole ordeal has the potential to scare the piss out of many gullible & naive individuals, unless people actually start reading everything they can to educate themselves, and get a better grasp of things - even then, the news that's being put out there about it varies greatly, so it's not like you'll ever get a clear story either way.

Take my advice, and don't even care until all of these stories decide to tell the same one...even if it's "too late" by then - at least you won't look like a paranoid fool.
Besides, tumors can be sexy.
By "sexy", I, of course, mean "not sexy in the least".

Possibly related (or not) tunage:

The Vapors - Turning Japanese
http://www.sendspace.com/file/j9verj
(yes, I realize it's mislabelled)

Yellow Magic Orchestra - Rydeen
http://www.sendspace.com/file/3i121s

Matthew Sweet - Superdeformed(Demo)
http://www.sendspace.com/file/rx2fpm

Front Line Assembly & Die Krupps - The Last Flood
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ttuucv

Nine Inch Nails - Burn
http://www.sendspace.com/file/l3no7o

Sid Vicious - My Way

http://www.sendspace.com/file/h8yjyn

Alcohol-powered cur

A good friend of mine recently returned from a trip to Mexico.
He brought me back a bottle of Mezcal - which I have never had...

Pictured: if heaven came in liquid form.

 

 

Mezcal, for those of you that don't know, is a lot like Tequila, only made from the agave cactus, which gives it a unique (not to mention orgasmically delicious) flavour.
After one shot, I noticed how smooth & delicious it was - it was like a thousand, big-breasted angels came explosive rainbows in my mouth, & it makes ordinary Tequila look like rancid urine in comparison. My friend had told me that he was informed that all you needed of this was 3 shots - I accepted that challenge (but worked up to it).

A couple of days later, me & another friend downed 2 shots apiece...it wasn't really enough to get a buzz off of.
A couple of days after that came the real test - I took 3 in quick succession of one another. Not feeling much more than a dim glow, I decided to continue on until I did.
6 shots (& 2 bowls of greenery) later, I found myself unconscious, but not before nature began mentally communicating with me - in all seriousness, shit was melting, which is fucking awesome for a liquor-related effect.

The next day, I chose to do it again, but took 7 shots and downed a 40oz of malt liquor on top of it.
I made a few phone calls, as I enjoy drunk-dialing (to friends who, it turns out, found my ranting to be humorous) and I once again found myself unconscious shortly afterwards.
"Mezcal" must be Spanish for "tasty, acid-like sleep-aid"...if it's not, it should be.

Apparently, I can be a right dick while alcohol works itself out of my system - not so much when I'm drunk, but more when I've been drinking the night before. Text-bombing a certain ex of mine with messages such as "so, when you two have sex, does it look like 2 pilates-balls being smashed together? You know - because you're both fat as fuck?" should be evidence of this (but I'm still willing to bet you laughed when you read it, you horrible fuckers).

At this point, I was left with the dilemma of how to get the following creatures of deliciousness out of the bottle, due to it having a pour-spout:

2 of them - it's like they made this shit specifically so you tripped balls.

This problem has been solved by removing the pour-spout by cutting it away, therefore keeping the bottle intact.
I have yet to down these little bastards, but I will update this post with the review once I have - possibly even during the effects, so you can all have a good laugh (even though you're not supposed to post shit online when you're drunk, but like I give a fuck - and none of you comment anyway, even though it'd give me a reason to post more).
Now, in this country, it is quite difficult to find booze with the worm still in it, let alone 2, which makes this experience a serious treat.
I was told to down the worm without chewing, and to only take one at a time - I'm contemplating ignoring this advice, and kamikaze-chomping both of the little fuckers into booze-infused paste, but we shall see.

I like drinking now and then.
I enjoy pot slightly more often (and it keeps me from strangling dumbfucks).
Certain people (who shall remain nameless - ok, it's just one person) have told me in the past that my drinking & pot-use is classified as "abuse"...to which I reply a hearty "fuck you, you twat" (said ex-twat was also "straightedge" by definition, and we know how uptight & "holier-than-thou" some of those people can be - especially the reformed ones).
If it were truly "abuse", I wouldn't be able to go 24hrs without it & make it habitual, which isn't the case at all...and rehab is not for people who only occasionally drink or smoke herb(like, at all - because pot isn't anywhere as bad as hard drugs, and an "addiction" to it is kind of laughable).
Your argument is as retarded as you are.
Please wear a helmet when you ride your short-bus.

No music for you kids this time, as you got it earlier.

Cram a chameleon (OR "Like a ghost, we all see right through you")

As my own life improves, I can't help but notice how utterly pathetic others can be sometimes.
There are plenty of people out there claiming to be happy & well-adjusted, but their words & actions tell a much different story - a story of desperation, self-loathing, & sadness.
They cover it by swearing up and down that they're happy, but it's nothing more than a cover for their truly shitty lives - those that have to make a full-on case that they're happy aren't only lying to everyone else, but they're lying to themselves, which is a big no-no.

Some have said that my words speak volumes about how UNHAPPY I am - this is a load of creamy crap, as I post what & how I do to entertain the rest of you...it has no bearing on my actual feelings (just like the content of this blog has no real bearing on the type of person I am offline) - feelings that have been excessively positive as of late (hence, less to bitch about here...which also means posts that aren't as entertaining to read as when I vent - if they come at all).

It's amusing to think that someone can assume they have you pegged through words on a screen (though, sometimes, people can be so transparent that you actually can). Keeping in mind that much of what is conveyed in text loses the emotion behind it, it would be quite easy to be given an improper impression of what was really meant. Case in point, if we're texting, and I say "I'm gonna kill you", one could easily assume I actually would, even though the tone it was meant in was a joking one.

I like to think I'm a good judge of character (even though past transgressions with others have proven that there are some damn fine actors/actresses out there), and as such, can usually see through bullshit - yet, people still insist on covering their true feelings, all the while assuming that nobody knows how they really feel.
Anyone with a trained eye can pick up on it, and if the person doing the cover-up knows, there's always a tell.

But I digress...
And now, somewhat related music:

Limp Bizkit - Counterfeit

http://www.reality413.ru/files/03___counterfeit.mp3

Digital Underground - Cyber Teeth Tigers

http://www.sendspace.com/file/4ngg7y

Insane Clown Posse - Mr. Happy
http://www.sendspace.com/file/waamc1

Bloodhound Gang - I Hope You Die
http://www.sendspace.com/file/s76kk0

Offs to fuck

Over the years, I have frequented a few websites for social networking and such.

I recently left one of the main sites I frequent, due to it being completely overrun with imbeciles, drugged-up children, & people from Kansas (which, some might claim, is all, exactly the same thing) .
It shall remain nameless, as it really doesn't deserve me sending it traffic, but a few of my keener readers will know exactly what blue-covered shithole I'm speaking about.

For years, I went to this site daily - it wasn't until the over-inflated, talking pilates-ball of a broad that I was dating dumped me (no real loss), where I truly realized I was surrounded by fools on that site.
Fake accounts, her Internet friends stalking me (she did it too), trash-talking randoms that had no business lurking my shit, etc. - I had had enough, and left. 

This brings me to the following - at what point did the Internet become completely overrun with dipshits?
I say the answer is "at its conception" - it just spiralled out of control since then.
Now, many assholes (like myself) have blogs, and rant about how everything sucks, which is much better than having to hear it in real-time - you can close a web page...you can't always close their mouths (unless you carry duct-tape with you everywhere you go).
A better question would be: how is it that every illiterate dumbass & their family has access to a computer?
One would think that if you can't spell "computer", you shouldn't be operating one, let alone operating one on the Internet.

Then, we have the ever-popular (though, nobody has figured out why in some cases) "meme" - usually a bunch of meaningless & childish tripe forced down your virtual throat until you like it (or at least, tolerate it without strangling the fuckwad spouting it).
Memes are single-handedly making people retarded...more than usual, too.

Perhaps it's not the fault of the Internet at all...perhaps it's just my own view?
Perhaps the blurb right above this is some completely invalid bullshit...which seems most likely, given that I'm not the only one who shares this view.


I'd post music in this one, but I'm lazy today, so all you get is the rant...maybe later in the week.

I have a lot of things to talk about, but seeing as most of them are of a more personal nature, I have decided not to put any of that here.
I WILL, however, let all of you know that a video is coming for my track:

J_Digital - Give Them A Boot To The Head

http://soundcloud.com/j_digital/give-them-a-boot-to-the-head

So you might want to stay tuned and stuff.
Being Friday, it's time for a bit of music to tide you folks over until I actually have something interesting to say:

MC Lyte - Cappucino (Remix)

http://www.sendspace.com/file/th6cc7

Bloodhound Gang - Hell Yeah

http://www.sendspace.com/file/vs7l12

WutWudDubDo - Say It Ain't So

http://soundcloud.com/wwdd/say-it-aint-so

Enjoy, kids - I'll be back shortly with some new ramblings.

Get the money - dolla dolla bill, y'all

After much deliberation with friends, we have come up with a potentially award-winning idea for a sitcom.

It stars Jaleel White (Urkel) & Alphonso Ribiero (Carlton) as an "odd couple" working at the Large Hadron Collider - with hilarious results.
It's called "Right In The Dick".
All that's missing is a catchy theme-song...the rest just writes itself.

V.D. flares up

Yes, it's Valentine's Day - I suppose a "jaded" post of some sort is in order.
You think Christmas is bad? Hell no.
Valentine's is even worse when it comes to the cash-grab - it's the one day out of the year that is truly about greed. A day created under the guise of "love"...where you are made to feel guilty & inferior if you are alone, or didn't buy your loved one those flowers & chocolates they didn't need.

Also the idea of Cupid has always bothered me - just what you need in charge of making your love-connection: a blind, retarded toddler with a bow & arrows, shooting blindly at everything like a fucking Stormtrooper.
A Stormtrooper would be a more accurate symbol for today, as "love" always wears a mask, & clearly can't hit the blind side of a barn, either. Hippies would have you believe that "love is all you need"...I didn't see love building the fucking Death Star twice.
Wait - back to the fucking flying baby with advanced weaponry - I don't care if he's a "cherub", I don't want pre-school-looking children firing shit from a bow at my chest...that's grounds for slapping their fucking parents, at least.
I'm going to change all of the holiday-mascots in the same way, and I guarantee you you're not going to think it's too cute when a huge rabbit wielding a hockey-mask & machete comes to your house to jam a chocolate egg in your gullet (he always eats the ears first, too), or a Leprechaun...ends up in inner-city Compton acting all gangsta with his pot of gold...and Coolio's there for some reason...but you probably already saw that movie, so I digress.

In the spirit of the Hallmark holiday that celebrates "things slowly going downhill", here's some music that may or may not be relateable to today:

Sonic Youth - The Diamond Sea
http://www.sendspace.com/file/eqwlw1

Orbital - Halcyon & On & On
http://www.sendspace.com/file/qpyy6q

Bjork - All Is Full Of Love (Darkhalo Rmx)
http://www.sendspace.com/file/s25h34

Zeromancer - Send Me An Angel
http://www.sendspace.com/file/px8rmh

Jodeci (ft Tha Dogg Pound) - Come Up To My Room
http://www.sendspace.com/file/vlnwd6

The Cars - Just What I Needed (Titts Edit)

http://www.sendspace.com/file/amzynd

Digital Underground - Kiss You Back

http://www.sendspace.com/file/yillzz

LL Cool J - Around The Way Girl

http://www.sendspace.com/file/4hiz6z

C Rayz Walz & Kosha Dillz - I Love Jews
http://www.sendspace.com/file/w3m68r

Richard Cheese - Me So Horny

http://www.sendspace.com/file/sah8ti

Chunky A - Sorry
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ts2dds

Enjoy, kids.
May your V.D. be preventable & painless.

I'll TELL YOU when YOUR balls drop

I totally dropped the ball this week on keeping this fucking thing updated, but sometimes, the Internet has to deal with shit like that.

There hasn't been a whole lot to write about, aside from work I'm doing on the homestead, and nobody really gives a damn about that - you came here for a rant or music.
While I may not be able to give you the rant, I CAN give you the music, so here's a few to tide you over while I finish my shit here:

Tonegent - The Humpty Rapture

http://www.zshare.net/audio/5498116b864d0e

Gravediggaz - Diary Of A Madman

http://www.eyeswings.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/aMadman.mp3

The Dismasters - Small Time Hustler (Instrumental)

http://www.sendspace.com/file/ayn618

DJ X - Use Your Luv (12" Mix Show) [The Outfield]

http://www.sendspace.com/file/2hvef2

Since this whole post is a substitute due to a loss of words:

The Ramones - Got Alot To Say

http://www.sendspace.com/file/z29o4e

Enjoy, kids.

Plenty of fish in the sea - but that sea is toxic as fuck

So, I recently checked out http://www.plentyoffish.com for something to do.
JESUS H CHRIST, MY FUCKING EYES ARE BLEEDING.
They call it "Plenty Of Fish", but neglect to tell you that the majority of said fish are gnarled muskies, battle-hardened gobies, & nuclear-fallout mutants. I haven't seen so many beastly visages since Clash Of The Titans (which was a monsterous piece of shit itself), and even the broads in that flick were sexier than what I witnessed on this site.
I swear, in my travels on that site, I came across ManBearPig about 50 separate times...one would think it'd only have one account, but no. For a dating site, it's certainly scraping the bottom of the barrel, and I don't think I'll ever be quite THAT desperate. Even if I was horribly disfigured in some sort of brutal, industrial accident (but I'd probably fit in better then).
There is the occasional cute user, but when that ratio is somewhere in the 1:100 range, it's just plain scary.
I'm sure I will be plagued by nightmares for weeks to come.

Now, I may not be easy on the eyes, but I'd like to think that I have it better than most there.
I'm not shallow by any stretch of the imagination (those of you that have seen my exes can testify to such things), but I do believe that there's a limit to the type of person you should be dating.
For example, I look like fucking Curly,  and I should be dating women that are within my grasp to date - therefore, it is somewhat unrealistic for me to go after someone that has looks like Jessica Alba. You should date within reason. However, looking like Curly, I should also not be approached by women that resemble something from a zoo near Chernobyl, because that's aiming far too low.
I'm sure you can see my point here.

Anyway, this site is good for killing time, a few chats, laughs & shudders, and MAYBE finding someone if your standards have been shot all to hell, and you feel like you couldn't date anything human.
Other than these things, though, it doesn't have very much to offer, and I wouldn't waste your time if I were you.
Just sayin'.

Now, this:

Adam Sandler & Jack Nicholson - I Feel Pretty

http://oblivion.th3rm.com/I%20Feel%20Pretty.mp3

Playing with myself

As a semi-regular Friday-feature, I have decided to share a bunch of music with you.
So, I bring to you a "new" track from myself. I say "new" in quotations as some have already been privy to it in its rough form:

J_Digital - In My Pants (a phone & a DS) [rough draft]

http://soundcloud.com/j_digital/j-digital-in-my-pants-a-phone

Next off, a track from Green Day's album "Dookie" (the second track within this track, as it's totally relevant to the title of this post)

Green Day - F.O.D. /All By Myself

http://ventsi.com/Music/Green%20Day%20(10)/(1994)%20Dookie/14%20F.O.D._All%20By%20Myself.mp3

Future posts will be more varied track-wise.
Enjoy, kids!

Drawn & quartered

Not only is he an awesome guy, a good friend, a fantastic DJ, and a kickass producer - but he's a talented artist as well:

http://dumbdrawings.tumblr.com

Visit that and give my bro some props.
That is all.

Skanks for the memories

Throughout my life, I have dated some very questionable girls. Not "questionable" in the "dirty whore" sense (though,there were a few of those, too...but one could hardly call that "dating"), but in the "this girl is fucking crazy" sense (there were MANY of these).
Most were a lot like tampons, in that they were stuck up cunts. Unlike tampons, few were as useful, and most weren't as fresh.

The last such encounter, was with a girl I recently broke up with.
When I say "broke up with", I of course mean "bitch dumped my ass on Christmas eve".
Said girl (and she was a "girl" - way too young for me) was insane, and severely flawed - let me count the ways:
* her personality shifted depending on who she was hanging out with at the time
* "loved" me after a week (this should have been a huge warning sign, but I can be pretty blind sometimes)
* was a kleptomaniac (stole everything - including part of my wardrobe)
* changed her mind more frequently than her underwear
* was obese (not that this was an issue, but there's a limit - especially when you can't walk 2 blocks without bitching), and didn't really care about her health
* had obsession & clinginess issues (frequently cyber-stalked my female friends for no reason other than I knew them)
* lived 700+km away from me
* had no real life ambitions, yet shit all over mine
* was book-smart, but not SMART-smart
* frequently wasted my time, but got mad when I wasted hers
* hated on my friends (they don't know just how much)
* talked shit to everyone, about everyone
* was racist (made Hitler look like a genuinely nice guy)



Just the tip of the iceberg, but I digress.
I honestly don't know what I saw in that girl now, but when this happened, I was quite broken up about it until recently. I tried to be civil with her & save a friendship (as I usually do), but her personality had shifted to that of a complete bitch, so this wasn't happening.
I decided it was best to just remove all memory of her, and act like the past year of my life never happened, thus saving myself from having to kill her and her new ginger boyfriend (gingers being a topic I will deal with later, so save the hate-mail for when that happens).

The one before this wasn't "whole" (she was missing a limb, and apparently, 90% of her brain), and cheated on me with 2 guys that banged one another.
The one before that told me she loved me, then married another dude a week after we broke up.
The one before that just screwed my friends behind my back.

Apparently, I have a real problem picking "winners".
I suppose it's the kind of ladies I find myself going after, or are attracted to me, so that's (mostly) on me.
I don't know what I did to deserve such shitty karma, but my guess is it revolves around my teenage years (again, another topic for another day).

Since it is a new year, and I am once again single, I am back to dating.
The girl I recently started "casually seeing" is leaps and bounds away from the type of girl I usually end up with (a good thing), but is proving a difficult one to get close enough to to build more on things.
This is causing a lot of unnecessary drama, as any time she learns something new about me, she tends to pull away.
Women are really confusing sometimes.
I really hope she's worth the fight (she's hoping the same thing)

I suppose I should just work on my own shit, and leave the dating on the sidelines for a little while, but being a social person (and a hopeless romantic), I despise sleeping & doing/experiencing things alone.
Apparently, I will never learn - but at least I won't be doing it by myself.

I can't believe I started a fucking "blog"

Hell hath frozen over.

 Despite my better judgement, I have started a "blog" - this fucking thing...with an all-encompassing title that everybody can get behind (at one point or another).
 I have been fervently against doing this ever since the word "blog" came into common usage on the Internet...mainly due to the fact that every whiny douchebag and his friends seems to have one.
 Now I am grouped in with said whiny douchebags, as I have jumped on the bandwagon. However, unlike the other douchebags, my blog won't be filled with a bunch of pointless crap from the point of view of some emo dick (even though I've been known to have my moments, I'll try to keep it off of here).

I suppose I should take a minute to introduce myself.
My name is J.
 I am 34 years old, currently unemployed & living in the middle of nowhere with nothing but free time. I am a parent, a musician/artist, and at times, a complete bastard (in every sense of the word).
 I like many things, but dislike just as many, and am not above speaking my mind in a "colourful" (yet entertaining) manner. I'm trying to be more positive, so I created this thing to spout the negative crap out of my life and onto the Internet (where it apparently belongs).
 I am also Canadian, so don't go messaging me & bitching about me adding a "u" to words like "colour". Speaking of spelling, I may occasionally disagree with the spell-check here telling me to split words that clearly look better as one, single word (like "douchebag", "dipshit", etc.).

 I must take a moment to warn you all that some of what you will read here may be offensive if you're overly sensitive and can't take things lightly, so that I don't get flooded with a bunch of dipshit responses by "politically correct" folks with a bone to pick (out of their ass, as it's feeding the bug up there). Opinions are like assholes, as the saying goes.

 From this point on, you can look forward to a bunch of random crap that I've found on the Internet, music(my own, because I believe in the "cheap pop", as well as shit I like from people who aren't me), bitching & ranting from my personal point of view (because it wouldn't be a true "blog" without it) & other bullshit not fit for reading by any reasonably sane person (but really, who is "reasonably sane" in this day and age?).

Seeing as this is the first post here, and I've already covered the basics, you can now go forth and download/listen to some of my free album/music releases (while you still can, as I'll probably be selling them from now on, if anyone will pay me for it) over at http://www.soundcloud.com/j_digital - a good rule-of-thumb is to not judge the music based on your opinion of who made it.

As I always say everywhere else that I frequent on the information highway: stay tuned, kids.