Being on winter hiatus tends to suck some days, so I like to fill some of that time with something I enjoy: drinking beer.
While I tend to go overboard once in a while, I don't do it out of addiction - it stems from enjoyment, boredom, musical inspiration, and the fact that I'm significantly more awesome when I'm pickled.
This brings me to the topic at hand - my liver.
That lazy fuck just sits there, apparently processing toxins to keep me from dying...and while they SAY it's a "vital organ", I can't help but think that life could be much more exciting without it.
* Your liver is a delicate organ
Delicate my ass.
Until recently, my uncle drank a 2-4 a day for about 15 years, and there's not a damn problem with his.
Years of drug-use & drinking is supposed to leave your liver battered & useless, yet mine is still going strong, even after treating it like that Sham-Wow asshole treats hookers...delicate...right.
* Your liver is a vital organ
While this may be true (Wikipedia says "there is currently no way to compensate for the absence of liver function long term"), I can think of a few things that would be way more awesome to have in place of this polluted sack of meat (if your body was like a car, where organs were "optional")
* a self-destruct mechanism
* a quantum warp-drive with flux capacitor
* an army of nano-machines
* complicated crushing & incinerating machines (for digestion)
* a cooler, complete with Hepa-filters
* a CPU & harddrive, wired to the entire body Steve Austin-style
* a wood-burning stove, steam assembly & visually appealing klusterfuck of copper plumbing
* Chuck Norris &/or Jackie Chan
* Liver tastes great
This one is complete bullshit.
It tastes like bitter, gritty poison, with the texture of shoe-leather, which I could actually imagine tasting better.
Organs are not to be eaten, unless they are ground up into a paste with real meat, encased in intestines, and BBQ'd to perfection...even then, they are to be consumed in small amounts.
Mind you, without the liver, you couldn't digest them.
In short, while I may need it to live, I certainly hold a bit of grudge against its lazy ass.
I mean, without it, I'd probably be getting drunk faster...mind you, the side-effect would be death, and that's not cool.
Ok, the liver can stay.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
(Wet) Electric Dreams
Seeing as I'm slowly getting motivated to produce again, I figured it was about time I posted my "ultimate electronic musician's wish-list".
The following (in no particular order), are instruments & peripherals that are guaranteed to make you shit yourself with joy.
1. Misa Digital's Kitara
Basically, it doesn't get any more awesome than this one.
Look at that shit - it's more badass than Chuck Norris fist-fucking a shark with a forged steel gauntlet.
2. Haken Continuum
Finally - a keyless keyboard.
The basic design of this one is what sucked me in - look at how smooth that looks...it's like a theremin that just said "fuck it".
3. Eigenlabs' Eigenharp
Up until a little while ago, only people with a Mac could use this badboy.
They have since wised up and realized that PC users aren't about to shell out another 3 grand for an extra computer just to be able to use this god-like instrument - and finally made it available to them, as well.
If you're torn between hiring a live orchestra and just doing all the shit yourself, this one is the better investment in my opinion - and will give you less grief & bitching when you tell it what to do.
4. Yamaha Tenori-On
Now we start to get a little more affordable.
Big sound in a small package with built-in light-show.
To save even more cash (to fuel your rock-star-like drug/whore-habit or something), there's the DIY-version known as monome which can be built to do the same thing - there's also now an app for your i-phone/i-pad which emulates the Tenori-On, but it's hard to look hardcore playing with your phone.
5. Korg's Nano Series
The most affordable solution on this list for you starving artists that want all the features for a minuscule fraction of the cost.
Comes in 3 flavors - NanoKey, NanoPad, & NanoKontrol - for all your musical & mastering needs.
Also, with an uber-low price-tag, you can have a full-on professional-sounding setup for under $200-$300...not too fucking shabby.
So, there you have it - 5 selections that I'm sure most of you will be having wet dreams about.
Personally, I'd most likely marry everything on this list if I could...and I'm sure my wife would have something to say about that.
As always, you can check out what's new over at my Soundcloud - been rather busy with posting sets as of late, and with bookings coming in, the shit is finally starting to pay off (and a big thanks to those of you that have continued to support me in all of my endeavors - much love!)
Peace and chicken grease until net time, kids.
The following (in no particular order), are instruments & peripherals that are guaranteed to make you shit yourself with joy.
1. Misa Digital's Kitara
Basically, it doesn't get any more awesome than this one.
Look at that shit - it's more badass than Chuck Norris fist-fucking a shark with a forged steel gauntlet.
2. Haken Continuum
Finally - a keyless keyboard.
The basic design of this one is what sucked me in - look at how smooth that looks...it's like a theremin that just said "fuck it".
3. Eigenlabs' Eigenharp
Up until a little while ago, only people with a Mac could use this badboy.
They have since wised up and realized that PC users aren't about to shell out another 3 grand for an extra computer just to be able to use this god-like instrument - and finally made it available to them, as well.
If you're torn between hiring a live orchestra and just doing all the shit yourself, this one is the better investment in my opinion - and will give you less grief & bitching when you tell it what to do.
4. Yamaha Tenori-On
Now we start to get a little more affordable.
Big sound in a small package with built-in light-show.
To save even more cash (to fuel your rock-star-like drug/whore-habit or something), there's the DIY-version known as monome which can be built to do the same thing - there's also now an app for your i-phone/i-pad which emulates the Tenori-On, but it's hard to look hardcore playing with your phone.
5. Korg's Nano Series
The most affordable solution on this list for you starving artists that want all the features for a minuscule fraction of the cost.
Comes in 3 flavors - NanoKey, NanoPad, & NanoKontrol - for all your musical & mastering needs.
Also, with an uber-low price-tag, you can have a full-on professional-sounding setup for under $200-$300...not too fucking shabby.
So, there you have it - 5 selections that I'm sure most of you will be having wet dreams about.
Personally, I'd most likely marry everything on this list if I could...and I'm sure my wife would have something to say about that.
As always, you can check out what's new over at my Soundcloud - been rather busy with posting sets as of late, and with bookings coming in, the shit is finally starting to pay off (and a big thanks to those of you that have continued to support me in all of my endeavors - much love!)
Peace and chicken grease until net time, kids.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
The Annual Claus-terfuck
Call me an asshole (like you wouldn't usually, anyway), but this time of year is just generally irritating.
Shit is crowded, hectic, tacky...and everybody is all cheery and singing, which causes me to drink more, and cut up carols, because there's shit in there that really needs to be adressed.
Jingle Bells
Lyric that bothers me: "Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse, open sleigh"
I don't know if you've ever rode in an open sleigh being pulled by one horse, but it's not that fun. It's actually a little painful on your ass, and slow as hell when there's about 10 people in it. It also strikes me as cruel to the horse.
Silent Night
Lyric that bothers me: "Holy infant, so tender & mild"
So, you're going to decribe a child as you would a fucking BBQ chicken-wing? You cannibalistic bastards.
Also, "sleep in heavenly peace" strikes me as a threat.
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
Lyric that bothers me: pretty much the whole damn thing
His nose was "shiny" (like my bald head) - I don't see my head lighting the way in thick-ass fog. For something "shiny" to do that, it has to reflect light - which isn't there in the fog in the dead of night. Also, reindeer don't fly, no matter how hard you catapult them, shithead. The only good thing about anything Rudolph related was Burl Ives, & that giant fucking yeti...speaking of which, I saw a fat woman the other day wearing a coat that looked like the pelt of a yeti. My guess is she ate the rest shortly after she skinned it. Her husband looked scared, either way.
White Christmas
Lyric that bothers me: the whole damn thing
That shit is racist. You can try to tell me "he was talking about snow", but that's bullshit. It was sang by Bing Crosby, which is 'nuff said right there.
Away In a Manger
Lyric that bothers me: not so much lyrics, as the imagery of "no crib for a bed"
The carol doesn't really piss me off as much as nativity-scenes that people put up do - THERE'S A FUCKING CRIB IN ALL OF THEM. Listen to the song - it clearly states that shit is off-limits. Then again, they're not known for "accuracy" to begin with. These days, we know that "virgin birth" really means "lying whore".
Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Lyric that bothers me: "Oh come ye, oh come ye to Bethlehem"
I don't come on command, and even when I do, it barely makes it across the damn room, let alone all the way to Bethlehem. It is, however, usually quite "joyful & triumphant", so you get a point for that.
That's all I got, so "happy non-denominational holiday" to you all, because I figure I've offended enough people with this post as it stands...and if I didn't, then you probably feel the same way about this time of year as I do...good for you.
Shit is crowded, hectic, tacky...and everybody is all cheery and singing, which causes me to drink more, and cut up carols, because there's shit in there that really needs to be adressed.
Jingle Bells
Lyric that bothers me: "Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse, open sleigh"
I don't know if you've ever rode in an open sleigh being pulled by one horse, but it's not that fun. It's actually a little painful on your ass, and slow as hell when there's about 10 people in it. It also strikes me as cruel to the horse.
Silent Night
Lyric that bothers me: "Holy infant, so tender & mild"
So, you're going to decribe a child as you would a fucking BBQ chicken-wing? You cannibalistic bastards.
Also, "sleep in heavenly peace" strikes me as a threat.
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
Lyric that bothers me: pretty much the whole damn thing
His nose was "shiny" (like my bald head) - I don't see my head lighting the way in thick-ass fog. For something "shiny" to do that, it has to reflect light - which isn't there in the fog in the dead of night. Also, reindeer don't fly, no matter how hard you catapult them, shithead. The only good thing about anything Rudolph related was Burl Ives, & that giant fucking yeti...speaking of which, I saw a fat woman the other day wearing a coat that looked like the pelt of a yeti. My guess is she ate the rest shortly after she skinned it. Her husband looked scared, either way.
White Christmas
Lyric that bothers me: the whole damn thing
That shit is racist. You can try to tell me "he was talking about snow", but that's bullshit. It was sang by Bing Crosby, which is 'nuff said right there.
Away In a Manger
Lyric that bothers me: not so much lyrics, as the imagery of "no crib for a bed"
The carol doesn't really piss me off as much as nativity-scenes that people put up do - THERE'S A FUCKING CRIB IN ALL OF THEM. Listen to the song - it clearly states that shit is off-limits. Then again, they're not known for "accuracy" to begin with. These days, we know that "virgin birth" really means "lying whore".
Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Lyric that bothers me: "Oh come ye, oh come ye to Bethlehem"
I don't come on command, and even when I do, it barely makes it across the damn room, let alone all the way to Bethlehem. It is, however, usually quite "joyful & triumphant", so you get a point for that.
That's all I got, so "happy non-denominational holiday" to you all, because I figure I've offended enough people with this post as it stands...and if I didn't, then you probably feel the same way about this time of year as I do...good for you.
Friday, November 25, 2011
I got the moves like Jaeger(meister)
Every time I turn on the radio lately, I hear this dumb-ass song...which is even more reason to never turn on my fucking radio.
"I got the moves like Jagger..." - I wouldn't be bragging about that if I were you...if you had "the lips like Jagger", even less so (a trait that can be claimed by Steven Tyler, Goldie Hawn, & Joan Rivers, just to name a few). This is all assuming that Maroon 5 (as in "what a Maroon" x 5 ) is talking about Mick Jagger, which I like to assume they are.
Have you dipshits even seen Jagger move?
That's not impressing anyone, unless your name happens to BE "Mick Jagger" (kudos to him for still even breathing at his age)...even then, they're more impressed with your musical prowess than what you're doing on stage.
The man is almost 70 years old, and it's starting to show...like when they did that "steel wheels" tour back in the 80s, I thought they were talking about the ones attached to their chairs - yes, that old.
If you have "moves" like that, I'm guessing it involves a truckload of Viagra & a crane.
Maroon 5 will look especially foolish when Jagger dies - what moves will he have then?
None...that's what...unless you count lying motionless in a box as a "move", and I don't see ladies wetting their panties over corpses (well, some do, but they're a different post altogether - on a different blog about necrophilia).
If Jagger was already in his grave, he'd be turning in it.
This song has been bothering me for a while, and there was no place better to rant about it then here, so there ya go.
"I got the moves like Jagger..." - I wouldn't be bragging about that if I were you...if you had "the lips like Jagger", even less so (a trait that can be claimed by Steven Tyler, Goldie Hawn, & Joan Rivers, just to name a few). This is all assuming that Maroon 5 (as in "what a Maroon" x 5 ) is talking about Mick Jagger, which I like to assume they are.
Have you dipshits even seen Jagger move?
That's not impressing anyone, unless your name happens to BE "Mick Jagger" (kudos to him for still even breathing at his age)...even then, they're more impressed with your musical prowess than what you're doing on stage.
The man is almost 70 years old, and it's starting to show...like when they did that "steel wheels" tour back in the 80s, I thought they were talking about the ones attached to their chairs - yes, that old.
If you have "moves" like that, I'm guessing it involves a truckload of Viagra & a crane.
Maroon 5 will look especially foolish when Jagger dies - what moves will he have then?
None...that's what...unless you count lying motionless in a box as a "move", and I don't see ladies wetting their panties over corpses (well, some do, but they're a different post altogether - on a different blog about necrophilia).
If Jagger was already in his grave, he'd be turning in it.
This song has been bothering me for a while, and there was no place better to rant about it then here, so there ya go.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Return from the planet of zero fucks
It would seem that I have neglected this hole for several months now, and that's rather significant, seeing as I rarely leave holes neglected (as my wife will tell you, I'm sure).
Yes, I said "wife".
Technically, she's still my fiancee, but since we'll be moving into a large house together at the end of the month, I may as well just use the term "wife", as we're practically married already anyway.
Reasons like the ones mentioned above have been the excuse for not updating jack shit here, but it doesn't really seem to matter, as several of you keep returning here anyway (as indicated by the now 8000+ reads on the counter).
Well, I ASSUME this is the case. It could just be ONE of you folks stalking my shit relentlessly, in which case, that's creepy as fuck, and you'd better be a hot female. Either way, I'm kind of flattered that you'd even take the time to bother, as I didn't think this shit was that interesting. I stand corrected.
Another valid reason for the lack of updates has been significantly less bullshit pissing me off - I've been much more peaceful & less angry, and this causes a drop in blog-activity, for obvious reasons.
Bear in mind, I didn't say "NONE", as there certainly has been.
For instance, the "occupy movement"...
I'm not saying I disagree with the original goals of said movement (quite the contrary), but the fact that it degraded into what appeared to be jobless hippy-hipsters who couldn't keep their goals straight & didn't seem to know what the hell they were protesting anymore irks my shit more than a little.
The cops - well, they decided to be cops, and broke most of these "protests" up after about a month of "occupation". As always, they can "occupy" my middle finger & spin. Fucking stormtrooper automatons.
Then we have the media-coverage, which was ad-nauseum, and seemed to focus more on this crap, than anything else going on in the world (it was there every goddamn day, for fuck's sake).
In the meantime, Michael Jackson's doctor (I don't give a fuck what his name is, as stating it would only give him more celebrity than he deserves) got raped in court. Well, maybe not raped...a 5-month sentence for outright killing someone is more like a gentle, consensual fucking by a kind stranger.
Oh, and Heavy D died, which was sad as hell, & I had to find out online, as the regular media is clearly comprised of (as Hev would have put it) Um-diddly-diddly-diddly-diddly-douchebags. R.I.P - you were awesome (and probably would have appreciated that joke).
So, as you can tell, I'm back to update this thing now, though I don't know with how much frequency.
It seems that over the summer, I bit off a bit more than I could chew, and decided to undertake about 4 separate musical side-projects (not including "...And Stuff", which is now on a slight hiatus). I'll keep you posted on these as they happen, but in the meantime, you really should go and catch up on the shit I HAVE been releasing over at http://www.soundcloud.com/j_digital - the sets in particular have improved greatly since I finally broke down and upgraded my fucking software (after saying I never would for many years - if this is "selling out", well then fuck it & oh well).
Hope to be entertaining you all in the near future - take care, kids!
Yes, I said "wife".
Technically, she's still my fiancee, but since we'll be moving into a large house together at the end of the month, I may as well just use the term "wife", as we're practically married already anyway.
Reasons like the ones mentioned above have been the excuse for not updating jack shit here, but it doesn't really seem to matter, as several of you keep returning here anyway (as indicated by the now 8000+ reads on the counter).
Well, I ASSUME this is the case. It could just be ONE of you folks stalking my shit relentlessly, in which case, that's creepy as fuck, and you'd better be a hot female. Either way, I'm kind of flattered that you'd even take the time to bother, as I didn't think this shit was that interesting. I stand corrected.
Another valid reason for the lack of updates has been significantly less bullshit pissing me off - I've been much more peaceful & less angry, and this causes a drop in blog-activity, for obvious reasons.
Bear in mind, I didn't say "NONE", as there certainly has been.
For instance, the "occupy movement"...
I'm not saying I disagree with the original goals of said movement (quite the contrary), but the fact that it degraded into what appeared to be jobless hippy-hipsters who couldn't keep their goals straight & didn't seem to know what the hell they were protesting anymore irks my shit more than a little.
The cops - well, they decided to be cops, and broke most of these "protests" up after about a month of "occupation". As always, they can "occupy" my middle finger & spin. Fucking stormtrooper automatons.
Then we have the media-coverage, which was ad-nauseum, and seemed to focus more on this crap, than anything else going on in the world (it was there every goddamn day, for fuck's sake).
In the meantime, Michael Jackson's doctor (I don't give a fuck what his name is, as stating it would only give him more celebrity than he deserves) got raped in court. Well, maybe not raped...a 5-month sentence for outright killing someone is more like a gentle, consensual fucking by a kind stranger.
Oh, and Heavy D died, which was sad as hell, & I had to find out online, as the regular media is clearly comprised of (as Hev would have put it) Um-diddly-diddly-diddly-diddly-douchebags. R.I.P - you were awesome (and probably would have appreciated that joke).
So, as you can tell, I'm back to update this thing now, though I don't know with how much frequency.
It seems that over the summer, I bit off a bit more than I could chew, and decided to undertake about 4 separate musical side-projects (not including "...And Stuff", which is now on a slight hiatus). I'll keep you posted on these as they happen, but in the meantime, you really should go and catch up on the shit I HAVE been releasing over at http://www.soundcloud.com/j_digital - the sets in particular have improved greatly since I finally broke down and upgraded my fucking software (after saying I never would for many years - if this is "selling out", well then fuck it & oh well).
Hope to be entertaining you all in the near future - take care, kids!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Balls-deep in the bush
For the past few days, I have been surviving in the wilderness, with nothing more than a couple of knives, a multi-tool, and my wondrous cranium - on walkabout, if you will.
Why would I do this?
To return to basics. To be primal. To sort out my own head. To adapt & change. Finally, to awaken on a spiritual level.
I logged my time out there, but have decided that I will not be posting it this time around - mainly because 3 days is fucking child's play, and I'm aiming for a week next time...the only reason I returned, was due to a massive storm moving in, and my shelter wouldn't have been able to withstand that (that, and 3 days in shitty weather surviving on less than basics is more than enough time for you to figure your shit out - at least enough to suffice for now) - not to mention the fact that I'm already pretty damp.
I will, however, let you in on a few points of interest over the past week, which included:
* seeing some sort of red snake, which I didn't think we had in this area (kept my distance, because the fucker looked poisonous)
* surviving in a forest which is home to bears, wolves, and countless other critters that can fuck you up if they wanted to (yet didn't, thankfully)
* fishing with a spear - yes, frogs count too.
* making fire - the most primal of activities
* proving to myself that I am more than self-sufficient, and could live like that indefinitely if I had to
* proving to myself that I can take it, as well as dish it when the situation calls for it
* being awoken by deer rustling nearby (day 2)
* fantastic views
* putting up with rain, wind, shelter falling over, traps failing, and cold nights
* hunting, and eating things I wouldn't normally eat
* epiphany after epiphany (more on this later)
* avoiding the internet (which sucks, in case you forgot the title of this blog)
No real "spiritual awakening", but I'm guessing it's because I wasn't gone long enough....or the complete lack of peyote & mushrooms.
Might have to bring something like that next time - as well as a camera (may as well film it and keep you folks entertained - works for Les Stroud)
I'd leave you folks with some music, but I'm understandably dirty, tired, and hungry right now.
Deal with it.
Why would I do this?
To return to basics. To be primal. To sort out my own head. To adapt & change. Finally, to awaken on a spiritual level.
I logged my time out there, but have decided that I will not be posting it this time around - mainly because 3 days is fucking child's play, and I'm aiming for a week next time...the only reason I returned, was due to a massive storm moving in, and my shelter wouldn't have been able to withstand that (that, and 3 days in shitty weather surviving on less than basics is more than enough time for you to figure your shit out - at least enough to suffice for now) - not to mention the fact that I'm already pretty damp.
I will, however, let you in on a few points of interest over the past week, which included:
* seeing some sort of red snake, which I didn't think we had in this area (kept my distance, because the fucker looked poisonous)
* surviving in a forest which is home to bears, wolves, and countless other critters that can fuck you up if they wanted to (yet didn't, thankfully)
* fishing with a spear - yes, frogs count too.
* making fire - the most primal of activities
* proving to myself that I am more than self-sufficient, and could live like that indefinitely if I had to
* proving to myself that I can take it, as well as dish it when the situation calls for it
* being awoken by deer rustling nearby (day 2)
* fantastic views
* putting up with rain, wind, shelter falling over, traps failing, and cold nights
* hunting, and eating things I wouldn't normally eat
* epiphany after epiphany (more on this later)
* avoiding the internet (which sucks, in case you forgot the title of this blog)
No real "spiritual awakening", but I'm guessing it's because I wasn't gone long enough....or the complete lack of peyote & mushrooms.
Might have to bring something like that next time - as well as a camera (may as well film it and keep you folks entertained - works for Les Stroud)
I'd leave you folks with some music, but I'm understandably dirty, tired, and hungry right now.
Deal with it.
Friday, June 3, 2011
STOP - Hammered-time
Once again, I've been drinking.
Sue me - it's fucking Friday.
I don't really have anything new to bitch about (anything WORTHY, that is), and I've got a buzz on (which is grounds to not even post here, but fuck that), so I'll just tell you fine readers to go and listen to (comment on, follow my ass, etc.) all the new content I have over at http://www.soundcloud.com/j_digital
I'm sure it's much better than the lame shit you had planned, anyway, as you're sitting at home, reading this bullshit on a Friday night.
Enjoy, and I'll be back eventually to rant about something to keep you people entertained.
Sue me - it's fucking Friday.
I don't really have anything new to bitch about (anything WORTHY, that is), and I've got a buzz on (which is grounds to not even post here, but fuck that), so I'll just tell you fine readers to go and listen to (comment on, follow my ass, etc.) all the new content I have over at http://www.soundcloud.com/j_digital
I'm sure it's much better than the lame shit you had planned, anyway, as you're sitting at home, reading this bullshit on a Friday night.
Enjoy, and I'll be back eventually to rant about something to keep you people entertained.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I got something long & white for you to suck on...
Every now and then, I enjoy filling my lungs with smoke - cigarettes, pipe-tobacco, weed - it's really all good to me (except crack &/or PCP - I'll pass on those, thanx).
"World No Tobacco Day" is apparently on May 31st.
I aim to smoke at least twice as much on that day, just to spite the non-smokers, who have taken over everything, and are making those of us that smoke look like Satan himself.
In the past ten years, smokers have become the new scapegoat for hate - hating on others differences is wrong (so we're taught), but if you smoke, you're fair game to be treated like dirt?
So THIS is what replaced racism (an improvement, but not by much).
My theory is as follows: if you don't like inhaling what I'm smoking, either move away from me, or stop breathing...don't go bitching and complaining because I'm in a public OUTDOOR area killing myself - that should be my right...but oh yeah...I forgot - nobody has any rights.
I also do not approve of the governments telling us where we can and can't smoke - a few years ago, none of that shit mattered. Now, they're all concerned about our health - sure...that's why cigarettes are still readily available and legal, and weed is neither, right? You sure have no problem pushing prescription meds that can kill someone in about a tenth of time to small children...hell, you make that MANDATORY in most schools. Time to get some fucking priorities - logic wouldn't hurt, either.
At some point this summer, I plan on quitting smoking (tobacco - not weed, you idiot)...not because of any of this, but because: a) it's expensive as fuck b) I've done this long enough and grow tired of it and c) I want to be even healthier than I already am.
In the meantime, however, I will continue to pollute my lungs until my quit-date, mainly because I have an image to maintain...especially after this post.
Music later, as I'm currently blanking on what tunes I have that would be related.
"World No Tobacco Day" is apparently on May 31st.
I aim to smoke at least twice as much on that day, just to spite the non-smokers, who have taken over everything, and are making those of us that smoke look like Satan himself.
In the past ten years, smokers have become the new scapegoat for hate - hating on others differences is wrong (so we're taught), but if you smoke, you're fair game to be treated like dirt?
So THIS is what replaced racism (an improvement, but not by much).
My theory is as follows: if you don't like inhaling what I'm smoking, either move away from me, or stop breathing...don't go bitching and complaining because I'm in a public OUTDOOR area killing myself - that should be my right...but oh yeah...I forgot - nobody has any rights.
I also do not approve of the governments telling us where we can and can't smoke - a few years ago, none of that shit mattered. Now, they're all concerned about our health - sure...that's why cigarettes are still readily available and legal, and weed is neither, right? You sure have no problem pushing prescription meds that can kill someone in about a tenth of time to small children...hell, you make that MANDATORY in most schools. Time to get some fucking priorities - logic wouldn't hurt, either.
At some point this summer, I plan on quitting smoking (tobacco - not weed, you idiot)...not because of any of this, but because: a) it's expensive as fuck b) I've done this long enough and grow tired of it and c) I want to be even healthier than I already am.
In the meantime, however, I will continue to pollute my lungs until my quit-date, mainly because I have an image to maintain...especially after this post.
Music later, as I'm currently blanking on what tunes I have that would be related.
Friday, May 20, 2011
DON'T PANIC
There is no "Rapture" going on this weekend.
Believing in such tripe not only makes you look like an idiot, but lets the terrorists win - by "terrorists" I, of course, mean "organized religion"
Once again, so-called "religion" has "predicted" a bunch of bullshit to spread fear-mongering and attempt to control the masses into being a bunch of subservient dickheads...and like lemmings, the more gullible ones are falling for it.
When, once again, NOTHING HAPPENS, the people spreading these lies will run & hide with their tails between their legs - or change their "prediction" to a later date, stating something like "our math was wrong". It's not your "math" that's wrong, dumbass - it's your twisted belief-system.
Over the years, there have been many "warnings" from groups of douchebags claiming that the world is going to end - all came and went with no incident (remember Y2K?)...this crap is no different. If you're actually worried about this, you should probably suffocate yourself right now, and save yourself the embarrassment of being wrong when dick-all happens.
Now, I'm not attacking religion itself - there's nothing wrong in believing in something that teaches decent values...there IS something wrong in telling others they're going to die unless they convert to your beliefs, though...as well as making people seem "inferior" by putting a limit on the "number of souls allowed into paradise". Apparently, "Heaven" is an exclusive nightclub with a hard-to-get-on guestlist, brick-headed bouncer, and a bunch of shitty, mind-numbing Trance being played.
If this is actually the case, I'm making sure I go to "Hell"...at least it's warm all year there.
I'd post music, but since "the world is ending", and there won't be anyone left to hear it when we all get sucked into the heavens or die a terrible death, there's no real point now, is there?
LULZ.
Believing in such tripe not only makes you look like an idiot, but lets the terrorists win - by "terrorists" I, of course, mean "organized religion"
Once again, so-called "religion" has "predicted" a bunch of bullshit to spread fear-mongering and attempt to control the masses into being a bunch of subservient dickheads...and like lemmings, the more gullible ones are falling for it.
When, once again, NOTHING HAPPENS, the people spreading these lies will run & hide with their tails between their legs - or change their "prediction" to a later date, stating something like "our math was wrong". It's not your "math" that's wrong, dumbass - it's your twisted belief-system.
Over the years, there have been many "warnings" from groups of douchebags claiming that the world is going to end - all came and went with no incident (remember Y2K?)...this crap is no different. If you're actually worried about this, you should probably suffocate yourself right now, and save yourself the embarrassment of being wrong when dick-all happens.
Now, I'm not attacking religion itself - there's nothing wrong in believing in something that teaches decent values...there IS something wrong in telling others they're going to die unless they convert to your beliefs, though...as well as making people seem "inferior" by putting a limit on the "number of souls allowed into paradise". Apparently, "Heaven" is an exclusive nightclub with a hard-to-get-on guestlist, brick-headed bouncer, and a bunch of shitty, mind-numbing Trance being played.
If this is actually the case, I'm making sure I go to "Hell"...at least it's warm all year there.
I'd post music, but since "the world is ending", and there won't be anyone left to hear it when we all get sucked into the heavens or die a terrible death, there's no real point now, is there?
LULZ.
Monday, May 2, 2011
If you don't read this blog, the terrorists win
I'm sure you've all seen the news that Osama Bin Laden is dead.
The world has supposedly lost the finest player of hide-and-seek it has ever seen - TEN FUCKING YEARS.
I say "supposedly", because I feel that this is a huge load of bullshit.
First off, America doesn't seem content unless it's constantly in the news - due to the royal wedding (more tripe I could give less of a fuck about), it wasn't...and lo and behold, all of the sudden, Bin Laden is dead - right.
Secondly, it would be super-easy to fake. Go to any major metropolis, and spend the day randomly hailing cabs - you'll run across at least 5 drivers that resemble Osama closely enough that they could pass for him. Hell, even Saddam Hussein had multiple doubles. I'm personally mistaken for another, more famous Toronto DJ at least 3 times a year (you know I'm not him after a couple minutes of talking to me, as it becomes apparent that I'm a much bigger asshole, and he's a stand-up, class-act of a dude).
Thirdly, I see our Prime Minister just had to get his say in, and said "we must protect our country from similar attacks" - my guess is it'll be his last little speech before his ass is booted the fuck out later this evening when the votes come in. Terrorists will not attack a country that willingly harbors them - it has been proven that we just let them waltz right in and set up shop here (which is just one reason I hate this country, but that's a completely different rant). If they really wanted to hit us Canadians where it hurts, they'd blow up the breweries, but I think they know better - never deny a Canadian their beer, or they turn into ravenous beasts that'll tear your fucking head off if you look at them funny.
I think what pisses me off the most about this klusterfuck is the fact that every US politician (and maybe even citizen, but I'm elaborating here) seems to be calling this event a "victory".
Ok, so killing ONE GUY who may or may not have even been responsible for attacks on your country is a "victory" - even though the death-toll of your citizens, soldiers & allies total in the thousands, and that's not even including the deaths of the innocents in the countries you "liberated" (AKA "freed the shit out of"). Great fucking logic.
Not to mention the fact that it took TEN YEARS to do this - when I was younger, some friends of mine prank-called an airport with bomb-threats, and they were in jail within 3 days, after being surrounded by about 20 FBI agents. There was no bomb, and they were just stupid fucking kids...they didn't blow up a landmark, killing thousands.What the bloody fuck? There's a thing called "priorities" guys..it's right up there with "REAL threat-assessment" - maybe you should learn these terms...you know, instead of fingering the assholes of law-abiding citizens at the airport to give the illusion that you're doing something?
I'd continue on with this rant, but I'd like to remain in a somewhat positive mood for the day.
Therefore, it's music-time...and the content of this whole post can be summed up with just ONE song:
Silverchair - Pure Massacre
http://www.sendspace.com/file/qjviih
Enjoy, kids.
The world has supposedly lost the finest player of hide-and-seek it has ever seen - TEN FUCKING YEARS.
I say "supposedly", because I feel that this is a huge load of bullshit.
First off, America doesn't seem content unless it's constantly in the news - due to the royal wedding (more tripe I could give less of a fuck about), it wasn't...and lo and behold, all of the sudden, Bin Laden is dead - right.
Secondly, it would be super-easy to fake. Go to any major metropolis, and spend the day randomly hailing cabs - you'll run across at least 5 drivers that resemble Osama closely enough that they could pass for him. Hell, even Saddam Hussein had multiple doubles. I'm personally mistaken for another, more famous Toronto DJ at least 3 times a year (you know I'm not him after a couple minutes of talking to me, as it becomes apparent that I'm a much bigger asshole, and he's a stand-up, class-act of a dude).
Thirdly, I see our Prime Minister just had to get his say in, and said "we must protect our country from similar attacks" - my guess is it'll be his last little speech before his ass is booted the fuck out later this evening when the votes come in. Terrorists will not attack a country that willingly harbors them - it has been proven that we just let them waltz right in and set up shop here (which is just one reason I hate this country, but that's a completely different rant). If they really wanted to hit us Canadians where it hurts, they'd blow up the breweries, but I think they know better - never deny a Canadian their beer, or they turn into ravenous beasts that'll tear your fucking head off if you look at them funny.
I think what pisses me off the most about this klusterfuck is the fact that every US politician (and maybe even citizen, but I'm elaborating here) seems to be calling this event a "victory".
Ok, so killing ONE GUY who may or may not have even been responsible for attacks on your country is a "victory" - even though the death-toll of your citizens, soldiers & allies total in the thousands, and that's not even including the deaths of the innocents in the countries you "liberated" (AKA "freed the shit out of"). Great fucking logic.
Not to mention the fact that it took TEN YEARS to do this - when I was younger, some friends of mine prank-called an airport with bomb-threats, and they were in jail within 3 days, after being surrounded by about 20 FBI agents. There was no bomb, and they were just stupid fucking kids...they didn't blow up a landmark, killing thousands.What the bloody fuck? There's a thing called "priorities" guys..it's right up there with "REAL threat-assessment" - maybe you should learn these terms...you know, instead of fingering the assholes of law-abiding citizens at the airport to give the illusion that you're doing something?
I'd continue on with this rant, but I'd like to remain in a somewhat positive mood for the day.
Therefore, it's music-time...and the content of this whole post can be summed up with just ONE song:
Silverchair - Pure Massacre
http://www.sendspace.com/file/qjviih
Enjoy, kids.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
You can't handle the tooth
I have a front tooth with a shitty cap on it, as some of you may have noticed.
A couple of weeks ago, it finally fell off after 15 years - it had a good run...but I wasn't about to walk around with a busted front, and talk like some dipshit, so I super-glued the fucker back on.
Today, while out for lunch at Arby's (insert "that shit totally looks like vagina" joke here - even though I had the chicken-bacon-swiss), the little bastard fell off again.
I made a b-line for the nearest dentist, as this should qualify as an "emergency". I was told that they couldn't do a damn thing for about 2 weeks - by 2 separate places, due to bookings. Apparently, the word "emergency" has lost all sense of urgency in this world.
Thankfully, there's super-glue, and it is back on once again...hopefully, it holds for another 2 weeks - just long enough for the dental community to get the dick out of their asses and fix it for me (along with the rest of my horrendous-ass mouth).
You'd think they'd jump at the opportunity to be able to add another story to their house, seeing as even the smallest and most simple dental procedure brings them the equivalent of a month's salary of the average person (usually more than that).
I feel like the word "dentist" should be replaced in the English lexicon by the phrase "professional wallet-rapist in the field of sadistic oral repair". I'm sure the only reason it hasn't is because it's too long to be used in casual conversation. Well, that, and the fact that it's pretty much implied any time anyone uses the word "dentist".
And now, totally related music:
Steve Martin - Dentist (from Little Shop Of Horrors)
http://www.sendspace.com/file/eg7is4
Weird Al Yankovic - Cavity Search
http://www.sendspace.com/file/wyfgs4
Blind Melon - Mouthful Of Cavities
http://www.sendspace.com/file/xasnzc
Of course, no trip to the professional wallet-rapist in the field of sadistic oral repair would be complete without what passes for "muzak", so here you go (feel free to picture the sound of a high-pitched dental-drill over top of these for added effect):
Herb Alpert And The Tijuana Brass - Spanish Flea
http://www.sendspace.com/file/6e378q
Al Hirt - Java (Instrumental)
http://www.sendspace.com/file/calu2c
Enjoy, kids - more to come later...and, of course, happy 420.
A couple of weeks ago, it finally fell off after 15 years - it had a good run...but I wasn't about to walk around with a busted front, and talk like some dipshit, so I super-glued the fucker back on.
Today, while out for lunch at Arby's (insert "that shit totally looks like vagina" joke here - even though I had the chicken-bacon-swiss), the little bastard fell off again.
I made a b-line for the nearest dentist, as this should qualify as an "emergency". I was told that they couldn't do a damn thing for about 2 weeks - by 2 separate places, due to bookings. Apparently, the word "emergency" has lost all sense of urgency in this world.
Thankfully, there's super-glue, and it is back on once again...hopefully, it holds for another 2 weeks - just long enough for the dental community to get the dick out of their asses and fix it for me (along with the rest of my horrendous-ass mouth).
You'd think they'd jump at the opportunity to be able to add another story to their house, seeing as even the smallest and most simple dental procedure brings them the equivalent of a month's salary of the average person (usually more than that).
I feel like the word "dentist" should be replaced in the English lexicon by the phrase "professional wallet-rapist in the field of sadistic oral repair". I'm sure the only reason it hasn't is because it's too long to be used in casual conversation. Well, that, and the fact that it's pretty much implied any time anyone uses the word "dentist".
And now, totally related music:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/eg7is4
Weird Al Yankovic - Cavity Search
http://www.sendspace.com/file/wyfgs4
http://www.sendspace.com/file/xasnzc
Of course, no trip to the professional wallet-rapist in the field of sadistic oral repair would be complete without what passes for "muzak", so here you go (feel free to picture the sound of a high-pitched dental-drill over top of these for added effect):
Herb Alpert And The Tijuana Brass - Spanish Flea
http://www.sendspace.com/file/6e378q
Al Hirt - Java (Instrumental)
http://www.sendspace.com/file/calu2c
Enjoy, kids - more to come later...and, of course, happy 420.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
News-Flush
You people should probably be aware that I don't watch the news.
Every time I do, it's ALWAYS the same shit - car crash, dead/murdered people (and the cops have their thumbs up their asses), some bullshit about politicians that can suck my dick, and a bunch of pointless filler. Oh, and the weather report, which is usually right up there in accuracy with a reading from fucking Miss Cleo.
I just really don't give a shit about what's going on - I'm happier not knowing.
Tonight was the first time in 4 months I have turned on the news - I haven't missed a DAMN THING: dead broads (cops with their thumbs up their asses), a "controversial" royal wedding (Who cares? Let the fucking guy marry a commoner - are we not past this monarchy bullshit anyway?), Charlie Sheen (the only "news story" that is anywhere near "entertaining" - and that's stretching it), Hydro rates going up (you get a discount, but then a HUGE ass-raping to make up for it), Liberals & Conservatives in a race to see who can suck the most voter cock (BTW - if you're Canadian and DON'T vote NDP this time, I'm coming to your house to stab you in the crotch until you bleed out & die - it's about fucking time we had some REAL goddamn change in this fucking country, and his name is JACK LAYTON - learn it, live it, vote it), and, of course, a weather report which the douchebag obviously pulled out of his ass, and will probably change by the 11pm news.
I now realize WHY I don't watch the news: I DON'T CARE & IT JUST PISSES ME OFF.
It doesn't even have to try...it has always rubbed me the wrong way.
None of these stories are worth getting angry over, yet, even knowing that there is anything going on outside of my own world is cause for me to rant, because I'm a self-centered prick who doesn't give a fuck about the world's ills - I have my own life to worry about, thanks.
All of 2 things should EVER be news, and everything else is just filler:
1) The world is ending, shit is blowing up, and we're all going to die
2) Warning: THERE ARE FUCKING ZOMBIES
Stop reporting anything else - it's not news, and only the brain-dead (and elderly) care.
Music coming in the next post, because obviously I'm too irritated to bother this time.
Every time I do, it's ALWAYS the same shit - car crash, dead/murdered people (and the cops have their thumbs up their asses), some bullshit about politicians that can suck my dick, and a bunch of pointless filler. Oh, and the weather report, which is usually right up there in accuracy with a reading from fucking Miss Cleo.
I just really don't give a shit about what's going on - I'm happier not knowing.
Tonight was the first time in 4 months I have turned on the news - I haven't missed a DAMN THING: dead broads (cops with their thumbs up their asses), a "controversial" royal wedding (Who cares? Let the fucking guy marry a commoner - are we not past this monarchy bullshit anyway?), Charlie Sheen (the only "news story" that is anywhere near "entertaining" - and that's stretching it), Hydro rates going up (you get a discount, but then a HUGE ass-raping to make up for it), Liberals & Conservatives in a race to see who can suck the most voter cock (BTW - if you're Canadian and DON'T vote NDP this time, I'm coming to your house to stab you in the crotch until you bleed out & die - it's about fucking time we had some REAL goddamn change in this fucking country, and his name is JACK LAYTON - learn it, live it, vote it), and, of course, a weather report which the douchebag obviously pulled out of his ass, and will probably change by the 11pm news.
I now realize WHY I don't watch the news: I DON'T CARE & IT JUST PISSES ME OFF.
It doesn't even have to try...it has always rubbed me the wrong way.
None of these stories are worth getting angry over, yet, even knowing that there is anything going on outside of my own world is cause for me to rant, because I'm a self-centered prick who doesn't give a fuck about the world's ills - I have my own life to worry about, thanks.
All of 2 things should EVER be news, and everything else is just filler:
1) The world is ending, shit is blowing up, and we're all going to die
2) Warning: THERE ARE FUCKING ZOMBIES
Stop reporting anything else - it's not news, and only the brain-dead (and elderly) care.
Music coming in the next post, because obviously I'm too irritated to bother this time.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Huge waste of bandwidth
I really haven't had much interesting to talk about over the past couple of weeks - at least, nothing I would want to share on a public blog - and ranting has subsided greatly..
Significantly less has been pissing me off lately (probably because I am sans-Ohio-bitch & her negative bullshit, and plus an awesome new chick, who does nothing but build me up & make me happy - a word which isn't usually in my vocabulary), and I am left to update this blog with mindless, meaningless drivel to keep traffic here alive to feed my already massive ego...drivel which, apparently, still garners mass amounts of hits, and this confuses me.
Hence the blog's title - you folks clearly give too much of a shit about nothing, which is apparent by the traffic this blog gets - updates or not.
I fail to see what is so interesting about this blog, as it doesn't have much to offer as of late. It's not like I'm going to be winning a fucking Pulitzer for writing this bullshit, either.
Perhaps I should put in some ads to cash in on the reads which come from nowhere?
It certainly couldn't hurt my wallet, but might hurt your eyes, which is why I haven't yet - don't go thinking I care, because I don't...I'm just like you, and hate ads as much as the rest of you.
Still, not a bad idea for the future...donations are also welcome, because who doesn't like free money?
If you're willing to hand it out, I'm willing to accept it.
I leave you all with the following advice:
Go outside, get some sun, exercise, & fresh air, and stop wasting your lives behind a screen.
Your life will thank you for it.
Not even music this time - I'm that unmotivated on this infernal machine...more to come eventually.
Significantly less has been pissing me off lately (probably because I am sans-Ohio-bitch & her negative bullshit, and plus an awesome new chick, who does nothing but build me up & make me happy - a word which isn't usually in my vocabulary), and I am left to update this blog with mindless, meaningless drivel to keep traffic here alive to feed my already massive ego...drivel which, apparently, still garners mass amounts of hits, and this confuses me.
Hence the blog's title - you folks clearly give too much of a shit about nothing, which is apparent by the traffic this blog gets - updates or not.
I fail to see what is so interesting about this blog, as it doesn't have much to offer as of late. It's not like I'm going to be winning a fucking Pulitzer for writing this bullshit, either.
Perhaps I should put in some ads to cash in on the reads which come from nowhere?
It certainly couldn't hurt my wallet, but might hurt your eyes, which is why I haven't yet - don't go thinking I care, because I don't...I'm just like you, and hate ads as much as the rest of you.
Still, not a bad idea for the future...donations are also welcome, because who doesn't like free money?
If you're willing to hand it out, I'm willing to accept it.
I leave you all with the following advice:
Go outside, get some sun, exercise, & fresh air, and stop wasting your lives behind a screen.
Your life will thank you for it.
Not even music this time - I'm that unmotivated on this infernal machine...more to come eventually.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
It ate EVERYTHING
As some of you may be aware, the mayor of Toronto (Rob Ford) is being a whiny bitch about some photoshops of him circulating in a publication known as "Now".
Not only has he caught the public eye by being a hideous, disgusting, amorphous blob of a douchebag, he has also pulled the copies of this publication from boxes on city property because he can't take a little ribbing.
What an idiot.
Well, he can't stop the Internet - so go here, like, and add some content:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Photoshop-Rob-Ford-Because-He-Hates-It/175290305855539
While you're at it, go have some laughs over at http://www.blobford.com/ - your source for all the Rob Ford parody news you could possibly want.
More posts coming eventually.
Same with the music and shit.
Busy lately with many different projects, so the blog is suffering a bit, but I'll try to update as much as I can.
Stay tuned, kids.
Not only has he caught the public eye by being a hideous, disgusting, amorphous blob of a douchebag, he has also pulled the copies of this publication from boxes on city property because he can't take a little ribbing.
What an idiot.
Well, he can't stop the Internet - so go here, like, and add some content:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Photoshop-Rob-Ford-Because-He-Hates-It/175290305855539
While you're at it, go have some laughs over at http://www.blobford.com/ - your source for all the Rob Ford parody news you could possibly want.
More posts coming eventually.
Same with the music and shit.
Busy lately with many different projects, so the blog is suffering a bit, but I'll try to update as much as I can.
Stay tuned, kids.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Bitches don't know 'bout my "Lucky Charms"
It's St. Patrick's Day...a day about celebrating your Irish heritage (well, that's what it is now, anyway).
Being part Irish, I certainly live up to the stereotypes - I get drunk (not easily, though) & I like to fight. I have never been to Ireland, but I hear it's quite green and lush...and when I say "lush", I'm not talking about the natives, either.
I don't really have much else to say about this, so wear green, get pissed on green beer (doesn't have to be green - can be Guinness - or Jameson whiskey), and knock someone's teeth out today.
If you have time, do a jig, Riverdance, and guard your pot of gold while holding your clover high.
House Of Pain - Top O' The Morning To Ya
http://www.sendspace.com/file/l2jjw6
Being part Irish, I certainly live up to the stereotypes - I get drunk (not easily, though) & I like to fight. I have never been to Ireland, but I hear it's quite green and lush...and when I say "lush", I'm not talking about the natives, either.
I don't really have much else to say about this, so wear green, get pissed on green beer (doesn't have to be green - can be Guinness - or Jameson whiskey), and knock someone's teeth out today.
If you have time, do a jig, Riverdance, and guard your pot of gold while holding your clover high.
House Of Pain - Top O' The Morning To Ya
http://www.sendspace.com/file/l2jjw6
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)